He looked at her standing with her back towards him, several feet away, immersed in her Mac book, and promptly turned away, as if guided by his legs magically, independently from the power of his mind, when his mind realized the folly, only to retrace his steps back towards her. Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he wished the place, a co-working space, were empty except for the both of them. Even before he opened his eyes, her image, so vivid in its description, flashed before his eyes, her face as radiant as ever, a smirk spread across her lips, he wished this feeling would never go away.
Back to reality, she had disappeared. He wouldn’t see her for another day.
He cursed himself and his hesitation for a few seconds and then for no particular reason, decided to eat some Chinese food at the joint nearby, thinking some food would probably calm him down, his mind was firing thoughts on all cylinders, as if hoping to provoke him into some action, he imagined seizing a knife from the common kitchen below and commencing a slashing spree, culminating in a giant dancing session over the slain victims, their blood smeared all over his grinning face. The thought made him chuckle for a few seconds.
He changed his mind about the Chinese joint, deciding that he would drink some green tea and rid his body of some intoxicants, which were definitely plaguing his mind, because time and again, he felt as if there was a ‘block’ like feeling inside his head, as if a tiny clown like creature had begun residing inside his head, and laughing at his thoughts with a creepy smile.
Try as he wanted, he just couldn’t calm down. The thoughts came, and came, continued, changing their nature every few seconds or so, from the time when he had smashed his cousin’s head on the garden wall as a seven year old and laughed at him lying down unconscious, to when his first love and her friend had played a prank on him as a sixteen year old, from her Facebook account, worming out his fondness for her, and leaking the screenshot to the entire class, who had in turn had laughed at him the next day, turning his face red for the whole day in anger, imagining the worst things possible that he was capable off, coming to a point when he had begun chanting a few hymns his grandmother had taught him as a child, in order to ward off such evil thoughts away.
He felt like screaming, lashing out at no one in particular, at what he had done to himself. He had everything he wished for – money, shelter, clothes and good food, in addition to being fitter and better looking than a lot of his peers, and yet, yet for a few times everyday, all he wished for, was to do just, ..nothing. Nothing. He was sure more money, better shelter, better clothes or better food wouldn’t change an iota of what he felt everyday, he would get used to everything that individuals across the globe made for mankind using their ingenuity and skill. Maybe, that’s what he ought to do, build something using his learned skill, keep bringing novelty into his life time and again, and hopefully distract his mind off the thoughts which kept cropping up everyday.
He decided to leave for the day.