In Your Heart You’ve Forsaken Me, In Your Thoughts Forsaken Me.

Sins’ time had come.

Small streams of tears welled up in his eyes, and disappeared as soon as it had come, only to make a comeback a few seconds later, this time lingering on for slightly more, as if to say..hold on, not yet, not yet, maybe..not yet. But, his mind was made up. He had to do it, and what a time to do so, in the prime of his youth, brimming with all the potential in the world, as it would seem to a neutral observer, but in reality, a heart that was dark, desolate, empty and full of pain, of the kind, many had survived, but many had perished as well. He wanted to survive with all his heart, but seemingly so, he had lost the battle outright, resigned to his fate for the past few hours, before he would be taking the final step in a few minutes.

He wept again, this time more profoundly, wondering how such a fate had befallen, him, him, of all the people who deserved it more so, people who had thought and committed outright thievery and shifted the blame on to others at their convenience, as if he was a dog, a dog consigned to be whipped upon when fancied, unafraid of its retaliation, because the creatures continued being loyal, like naive fools, possessing infinitely large hearts, incapable of any thoughts of wrongdoing, like him.

He walked out of his bedroom and proceeded straight down the hallway, exiting his apartment room, locking the door behind him gently. The tears were flowing openly now. All his possessions, carefully nurtured over the years, books, that he had read many times over, his guitar, that was so beloved to him, having accompanied him like a loyal friend since he was thirteen years old, pictures, so many of them, mainly of Starr and him, frolicking around the world, arm in arm, swearing they would never leave each other’s side till death…till death.

Starr would be so happy. She would be waiting for him, with open arms, as she had always been, ever since they had met and became good friends over coffee, one fine day at their co-working space. Sins would never forget those moments, till the next few minutes at least. He called for the lift, watching the indicator flash a green arrow that pointed downwards towards where he stood, on the first floor. The lift would take him to the twenty first. More higher the better, he felt, settling down on the terrace as his choice, instead of the common balconies that began from the seventh floor onwards.

For some reason, he had carried his phone with him, which lay inside his pants’ pocket, as if it were a part of his body, that in introspect was true. “How could I be lost, if I’ve got nowhere to go”, he hummed, as the lift arrived, imagining it to be more slower than usual, as if imploring him to stop. “Fear will kill me, all I could be. Lift these sorrows, let me breathe. Could you set me free!”, Sins bellowed in tune, with all his might, his teary voice breaking with the stress the tune commanded on his vocal chords. He would be ending everything soon, anyway, he could afford a little more self-harm, as much as he pleased actually.

There was no point in anything anymore. He had ceased to exist long ago, on the day when he realized, he could never escape from his past, no matter how much he tried, no matter with whom he tried, no matter how much, love he was able to garner or receive..bless them all, he was truly grateful. Everyone had tried their best. It just wasn’t meant to be, the abyss he had sunk extended all the way into the netherworld, a land for the weak, desolate and helpless. Sins had well and truly sunk, forever. A carcass would be the only symbol that would remain, and be forgotten in under a few hours, no more, of that he was sure. At least, it would be more, relative to when he was living.

He rushed to the open terrace and stared at the city in front of him, an appearance that didn’t make sense to him anymore. Just souls who were equally as lost as him, trying to find their individual sources of meaning, to trudge on and survive, and with luck, indulge in reproduction.

Tired of thinking, Sins ran to the edge and jumped.

The last thing he saw and made sense of was the food delivery executive who was sauntering in through the gate. Sins had gotten hungry thirty minutes back and placed an order with UberEats.

Sins landed face down right in front of the executive. The executive laughed heartily.

The mobile inside his pocket chimed saying he could enjoy since the executive had arrived with his food.

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