He imagined her smile in his mind’s eye and smiled.
She wasn’t responding to any of his text messages. Presuming, she was busy, he tried his best to let it go, but couldn’t. He just couldn’t, which seemed very immature on his part, considering he had other friends to chat to, people whom he knew for a lot more time than her, but they weren’t her. She was..she. Radiant, thoughtful and clever, everything he sought, everything he liked..she.
“I’m here without you babe, but you’re still on my lonely mind. I think about you babe, and I dream about you all the time”, he kept humming to himself, the song’s lyrics on his lips for the past few hours, unable to let it give a rest. He had had another one of those days, where some things had fallen in place and some had not..including she, he decided to meditate and release the energies he had been focusing on her. He had to, lest it turned inward and made him unnecessarily obsessive, she was another human being with feelings and emotions of her own, after all.
His thoughts changed, now firmly focused on making sure his head remained in the right place for the next few days because he was due to receive an appraisal at work. He wondered what he would do with the extra money, because he didn’t party outside much, neither did he spend a lot on clothes or electronic gadgets. No, he would be utilizing it for the correct nutrition, books and fitness. He had some new hobbies in mind as well, like training for mind sports and start swimming again, because swimming helped in achieving a lean, mean body.
He wanted her opinions. She would probably shrug and just say cool, great, and get on with whatever she had been up to, which would dampen his spirits a little, or she could be impressed by the scale of his thoughts, productive as they were in contrast to her social circle, which he wasn’t sure, but rather hoped. She did tell him one day that she was bored of plastic people who were not contributing to her life in any way emotionally or transactionally, just content to entrap her energies into them and slowly draining them out, in spite of how plump those parasites had become.
He wondered if true peace was possible. Would his mind ever rest to recover? Some days, he would feel drained, mentally exhausted to even think about anything, but still multiple thoughts would continue racing through his mind, not fearful in nature by any shot, but seeking the fundamental answers to things like why was he doing what he was doing, or what if there was no purpose in his life, and he was just gravitating from one thing to the next, or seeking the inner fire within, a burning desire to envelop him with the spirit of adventure of getting things done, when right now the fire burned in lapses, being doused by things like oversleeping, junk food and the lack of initiative to learn new and multiple things.
Change is the only constant, said the bio on her Instagram profile, when the fact was that she was a religious person by nature, hence which ironically contradicted her bio because, every religion out there was based on a story, woven with elements of magic or miracles to draw the masses into a wondrous trance to seek solace by spinning the fable of an intelligent designer who created the universe. A story to enable millions to co-operate effectively by establishing a common ground to base their personalities upon, invoking trust and social currency since everyone believed in one thing, irrespective of where they came from. Spinning stories was humanity’s favourite pastime.
He wondered what she was doing right now. Did he even matter?
If he didn’t, it didn’t matter, because on the grand scale of things, evolutionarily, everyone mattered, in one minute way or the other.