He knew there were two sides of him. Possibly more, but, from a self-awareness perspective, he knew there were two sides of him. To come to think of it, everyone behaved differently with different people, hiding or revealing a few facts here and there, mixing a few fictions here and there, depending on how useful the person or persons were from a social and economic perspective.
But, he had two permanent sides. One, which was an average of all the individual interactions he had had over his lifetime, the face that enshrined the proverb ‘you’re what your company is’ and the books he had read so far, and the second, a side of him which was intent to make sure he never saw the light of day, keen as it was to spend its time pleasuring itself from every means possible, both bodily and substance wise.
He liked both the sides.
He like both the sides because, on a deeper level he understood that the individual he was today had come about as a result of his genetic orientation and the external stimuli that he had experienced so far. How he wished he could read about his DNA on a single sheet of paper! The day would come, maybe in a few decades. Till then, a myriad of possibilities and expectations gnawed at him, like a persistent fly determined to cajole him continuously into reacting, yet never achieving that killer blow.
He no longer understood words like meaning and purpose. Or rather he saw these words as fluff, devoid of any substance, just words to be used to disguise one’s lack of clarity of thought, a fact that would irk many people, he knew, precisely for the fact that deep, deep down, the people themselves had had moments of plain meaninglessness, which they had sought to not think about, since it scared them, due to cultural or social limitations.
There was no purpose or meaning to life. Unless, it was loving someone, because companionship in the personal or professional sphere, represented the be all and end all of every human being, especially when the purpose of companionship relied on helping and guiding each other to wade through all the chaos out there, a fundamental aspect of the twenty-first century, where no one knew, from where the next big cultural change was coming, that disoriented many people, because they couldn’t ascribe to the fact that things could change, and that the things they cherished weren’t ordained to be cast in stone forever, that they were just…nothing, a phase to be forgotten about.
The voices inside his head kept telling him to read more, that since there was so much going on, it was much better to integrate every aspect of change to create a holistic worldview rather than focus on a specific niche, only to become bored of it in a few months. He wanted to know and question every aspect, facet and the so called facts of human life. He wanted to know everything, and he was willing to overcome laziness, procrastination and inertia for this goal. He wanted to know where humankind was going, what the future held for him and surround himself with the best companions possible who would challenge him constantly to broaden his horizons everyday.
He ordered some cold coffee, imagining the taste of the liquid on his tongue. He had been sitting at the cafe for the past four hours, thinking about relationships, evolution, religion and minerals, and had decided that the social system that binded most of humanity through the imagined orders of religion and gods were frivolous to people like him, but very relevant and sometimes even necessary for people whose mindsets had been conditioned since childhood to believe in a divinely ordained life that was subject to the whims and fancies of an eternal being.
He didn’t loathe such people. He really understood and in some cases pitied them. After all, was it possible for everyone to look at the world in the same way when, the development of every geographical region’s history and culture had come about in so many different ways, for reasons ranging from the timeline of shifting from hunting gathering to agriculture to the invention of writing? It was an unequal world and evolution and human ingenuity had made it so, and so shall it remain, until and unless one took the time to understand and learn.
What a time to live.