The wanton feelings of lust couldn’t leave him, it wasn’t possible, not just for him, but for all of humanity, the inexplicable connection with animals exemplified so, its complexity arising out of the modern cornucopia and intermingling of all the five senses, rising in part due to the multiple connections now possible, both offline in the real world and the plethora of connections possible in the virtual world.
Sometimes he thought he was always, perilously close to living on the edges, the fringes of existence, where a person existed purely because he existed, not for the drive, the lust to achieve something of significance, and yet, sometimes, he felt aggravated, frustrated and angry even, only, only for a few moments, driving himself into a random panic, seemingly searching something, a state of mind that existed only in his imaginations, a place where there was only bliss, as if he were disconnected from civilization, along every means possible.
Sometimes, he thought he just wanted to keep running, endlessly along a field of lush green paddy, content to soak in the cool breeze for eternity, as if trying to signal the imminent arrival of an incoming storm, just waiting for it to sweep him away in its angry wake, simply so that he could glide on it, laughing in joy as he did so, like he always was, wild, high and carefree, a state of mind, people frowned upon, and only to be communicated to persons who could look above the matters of money and physical objects, no doubt necessary they too were, but not as much as they were made out to be.
As he stared at the list he had made, its intricate sentences proclaiming lifetime, yearly, monthly, weekly and daily goals, linked one to the other, divided into timelines, he once again, reiterated the fact that he wanted to embark on a journey of excellence, and not be swayed by random musings from acquaintances or friends. The musings, comments and not-happenings didn’t matter, he was only concerned with plain, honest feedback, removing all the possibilities of emotional irrationality.
What was emotion anyway? A period of weakness, a topic of subjectivity, proclaiming the mere feelings that were the purview of the weak. He had no qualms about showing emotion and in fact, welcomed its face happily, yet, deep, deep, inside, he knew, the topic always led to gossip and rumblings, whose macro-point of view didn’t matter to one’s existence at all, rather, it was a source of consolation, simply a way for the body to let out steam, which could be harnessed into something more productive like exercise or reading books.
What was the point of small talk, with their insincere how are yous and hope you’re doing fines? It didn’t matter anymore. The overarching status quo wasn’t being impacted at all, hence, emotions needed to be yes, dwelt upon for sure, but only up to a point where people couldn’t wantonly use emotions to manipulate situations and circumstances towards their favour.
He stared at his list again and took a few deep breaths, imagining the end results of them all, masquerading himself in his mind’s eye, in the choicest outfit he could think of while being serenaded by the scenes he knew he would be, namely his place of dwelling and the wealth, to be used for reinvesting them into ideas which could be turned into reality and of used for other people who sought for it.
Change was a good thing and it riled most people and for a great reason. If one could get used to changing all the time, emotionally, physically and mentally, in every imaginable facet of life, and truly, truly learn to collaborate and network with like-minded people, by talking about great ideas and concepts, a little bit of discipline would help one go very far. Amen. Write down the things you want for yourself, detail it out as much as possible, believe that you deserve it and go get it. You’ll literally create reality as you have thought about. It worked.
He would truly, well and truly, make it work and how he would do so.
It would be spectacular.