He knew that sometimes, men and women needed to be left alone and that they needed their own space in order to sort out the issues that were important to them from a quality of life point of view. But, on the other hand, he also thought that he had a tendency to be dependent on people from an emotional point of view. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like this feeling, it was just that, being alone acted as a trigger for some his darkest thoughts to re-enter his mind, as if they had been waiting for the lights to bow out the stage, before spewing a giant curtain that proclaimed ‘welcome to the dark’.
And life was about light and dark.
Embracing both the light and the dark did have their own merits, but in his case, he kept tending to the fact that, even when he was open to embrace the dark in order for the dark, not to corner him into submission and let his impulsive, destructive self take over, the light was quite slow in its wake, almost as if waiting for his permission to be told ‘hi, light, please, you may enter’. It sucked to no end, the result being that light was slow to arrive, yet faster than the dark to disappear, without a sense of clarity or transparency as to when it would be back. He tended to interpret light, inherent in some people, people who bought the best out of him, while dark, was more or less a factor present inside his own head, just waiting around the corner in order to make its entry with a bang.
The sins were aplenty.
While the virtues a few. For what was the use of virtues, when they claimed absolutely no merit for themselves, while the sins were loud, flamboyant and seemed to masquerade as if they controlled the universe that held the void together. Oh, the blessed void, the void that held all the secrets of the universe’s own existence, the void that held the key to everything, and explained the secrets to the creation of evolution itself, as we know it, the so-called ‘force’ that caused one set of species to become another, so to speak, the very glue that held everything together, the very everything, everything…
While he could ramble on and on about the ills that were prevalent in the world today, he wondered why he felt no joy at all the positives, much more than the ills, that they were. It seemed as if the dark, was just more vocal, more happy to make its presence felt, and he longed, and longed for an escape from the dark. He wanted only the light. Only the light, all the time, knowing that having light all the time, would seem to diminish the light itself, the result being the craving of another new light, and on and on it would go on, until….peace? Acceptance? resignation? He had no idea, and frankly he had exhausted himself to no end about the motto of light and dark.
It seemed the dark would never go away, and the fight would last forever, just like how it was described in multiple ancient scriptures, the demons being the dark, while the gods acting for light, each set of actors and actresses a victim of their own imperfections, with both the light and dark capable of causing harm and being good. A battle of light and dark so to speak. He was going to pass out, and in a last-ditch effort, made an almighty effort not to break into sobs.
He felt peaceful. For now.