The morning sun rays felt good on his face. As if he were being blessed. He imagined a figure clad in white robes, invisible; standing next to him. Why exactly, he could not say at that point of time. But he got a strong feeling that he was being watched by someone. Maybe a neighbour was watching him. He hoped it was a woman.
He had washed his clothes after a few weeks. He felt pathetic when he realized that he wasn’t even bothered about basic hygiene and sanitation. Resolving to turn his room upside down and clean out every speck of dust, plastic and ash that lay strewn about; he had ended up spending more than twenty minutes just searching for a broom. Without finding it, he headed out and bought one. He realized that Mark Manson was right – action did inspire more action. It was better than waiting for inspiration to strike in order to take action. He was going to implement this simple hack each and every day. Thank you Mark Manson. The man was a saviour of millions, he was sure of it.
He felt much much better than yesterday. Yesterday had been a total wash out.
He had felt like a parasite, intent to get by and passively consume resources rather than creating anything of value for anyone. And wasn’t that something everyone cherished? Everyone wanted to create things of value and wait for others to admire them for the same. For social validation, status and other adjectives of an encouraging nature. The notifications on his phone had been muted. All of them. Every single app had been muted. Until and unless he himself went to them and checked; he wouldn’t be disturbed at all. What a blessing. As it is, he hated having frivolous conversations and texting about stuff that bordered on gossip and subjectivity beyond a certain point.
He had started microdosing cannabis and it was helping.
Every evening at around five or six, when he would find himself regressing back into his shell, and not feel like doing anything and just stare at the sky blankly, a small hit would work its magic and he could just meditate; watch thoughts of all kinds enter his mind and leave within a few seconds provided he focused intently on the deepest parts of his brain; trying to sense his amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex – as if intent to imagine Shiva’s third eye popping out of his forehead. It would be the best part of his day since he could just start reading a book after a few minutes; having gotten into a zone of peace and tranquility. Finally, he felt as if he could control his thoughts. He had already applied to go for a 10 day meditation retreat, that begun in ten days time. He couldn’t wait for it. He wanted to come out of it a changed person.
He didn’t like how so many individuals of both reputed and non-reputed nature were trying to bask in information that they could not understand objectively; yet were confident enough to blare out the pros and cons of whatever caught their fancy for a period of time. He was not going to do anything about it, because as far as he was concerned; in case something were lobbed around at him; he was sure that a few simple questions and facts could bring their entire house of cards falling to the ground. He had made many people insecure before and he would see it in their eyes; when they realized how shallow their sense of understanding the world was; conveniently lobbing their biases towards anyone they met. not realizing that their confidence had limits and reality would catch up some day or the other.
He was raring to meet these people again.