His head was going haywire and he couldn’t concentrate, try as he could with all his might. .
He had decided to order cold coffee. He had been having exactly 200 ml of it every morning since the last 2 weeks, and he was feeling as if he had developed a healthy tolerance to coffee by now, though he had no idea where the coffee beans were coming from and how it was being treated and delivered to him fresh and ready in the morning usually by 9 a.m. Today though, the coffee wasn’t fresh and even though he tried to relish it as much as he could, he thought his body had had enough of it. He knew that he had a tendency to abuse substances rather than use them in a healthy and productive way. It was inevitable that this time, it had happened with coffee. He needed to take a break.
For as long as he could remember, he always felt it difficult to ‘get in the zone’ when it came to productivity.
Rather than beginning right away, he would tend to think about it for long periods of time without so much as moving a muscle. On the other side, his social habits weren’t great and tended to border on reclusivity most of the time. Once he remembered how he had been down in the dumps, doing nothing, just whiling time away and abusing his socio-economic privilege to do so; when he received a call from an old college acquaintance. After the call ended, he felt happy. Talking had done him good and he decided to get off his couch and do something. Waiting for inspiration to take action wasn’t working for him. Maybe, he needed to take action, any action to move on to more action and make progress in his life.
All his YouTube recommendations featured individuals who kept calling life as a ‘big hustle’ and that ‘the government must be tamed’ and also things like ‘the myth of the financial system: you’re being defrauded’. He would listen to them and come away with information which wouldn’t fit into his real life. As far as he was concerned, time and again the debate kept shifting towards the ‘the system’ and how ‘the system was screwed’ without really going into the details of the system in question. He would watch individuals just give up and focus on their day to day jobs and eke out a living without really stretching the limits of their imaginations or their minds. It was to be expected. There was an information overload and often, no one bothered to piece together all of them and build a coherent, intellectually stimulating story that would actually make sense.
Often time, if his head veered towards the pointlessness of life, he was quick to accept it and move on immediately lest he spent more time in a ceaseless whirlpool of negativity and procrastination. For how else could one come to the realization and the hope that he or she was worth something, and that their existence mattered. He himself often struggled to justify his own existence and indeed detractors and naysayers would probably say he was overthinking and that he needed to chill and have a drink. Well, he wanted to be away from such detractors and naysayers because he liked to think as deeply as possible; yet be a realist and do practical things by using intellect. How else could one know what life held?